The irony

The Significant Other has just left the building to purchase a new iron, apparently she’d like to do some housework while I do the heavy lifting of writing down the dribbles that pass for my thoughts.

In my experience I’ve never had an iron last more than six months, many only survive the rigours of the Mallach World Headquarters for the briefest of instants before their flux capacitors or pistons or something suffer irreperable damage.

Now, is this just an experience which is confined to my household? Does everyone else sail blissfully onward with irons that are passed from generation to generation like Granny’s fine China tea set?

If this isn’t so then it strikes me that there are at least two business opportunities.

First, a dedicated ironing consultancy and training academy, because clearly our ironing / maintenance skills neeed brushing up and secondly an iron refurbishing enterprise (there may be a franchising opportunity here).

I’ve done a quick calculation (actually I haven’t, but for the sake of argument let’s say I have) and the rate of iron consumption is staggering, it beggers belief. If Wikipedia is right, and when are they ever wrong, then the amount of households in the world (with electricity, I’ve found no mention of solar powered irons during my research) multiplied by the amount of defunct irons exiting households around the globe  each month means that there should be in the region of (approximately) 4 gazillion irons lying around.

Think of that number 4 gazillion, that’s enough to cover the surface of the Earth to a depth of 2 metres. So the question is, where are they?

Perhaps my business opportunity is not as original as I thought, perhaps these ‘new’ irons we’re buying in such vast quantities aren’t really new at all, but rather refurbished, made new, the same irons leaving and entering the market all the time, in a sort of wash day version of the circle of life.

This is only an example of the questions that we, as the only truly sapient beings on this planet (although the dolphins are always smiling about something) should be confronting each day.

It’s a burden that we have to shoulder. I’m just here to furnish a few theories, throw out a few ideas and stand firmly on the side of the dry cleaning industry.

That is all.


One thought on “The irony

  1. Dont quote me on this, but I do believe a ironing consultancy, would be an ill advised venture. Being male ( or to be non sexist… being just a homo sapien), I loath ironing. I dont see much merit in it either. If it was up to me, I would not iron anything. In fact I detest the first human being responsible for selling the idea that pressed clothes are aesthetically pleasing to our fickle self-conscious masses. Whats wrong with creased clothes? They add character to what would otherwise be mediocre, homogeneous attire.
    Moreover, avoiding ironing would save loads of time and for the ill fated such as yourself, save you paying for a new iron every 6 months.
    For the record my iron has lasted years and years… perhaps got something to do with the fact that I dont use it 😉

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