I’ve strangled the parrot (read into that what you may), added vinegar to the goldfish bowl (my daughter is not happy), and settled down for the everlasting night that requires no duvet.
Tonight you see is the night of rapture, according to the ever busy apocalyptic pundits of doom in the United States.
Shortly I should be experiencing the first rumblings of worldwide pan continental earthquakes and the beastly herald of the end of days should appear in the night sky, heralding the awakening of the righteous dead who will then be whisked away to that everlasting samba party in the sky.
I’ve got a hideous dose of the flu so the claims that as one of the many Red Sea pedestrians that litter this blue globe I can expect no less than having my body join the millions that will simply litter the Earth without hope of salvation comes as somewhat of a relief.
I do have some questions for the experts who interpret the good lords’ plan for the planet.
Firstly what time are we actually talking about? If it’s six pm on the Atlantic seaboard then when can the teaming hoards of Africa expect to shuffle off this mortal coil? Methinks your PR machine needs a bit of oiling, after all there are quite a few of us who might appreciate a bit of a more exact heads up, even if that means that we know when we can expect to kiss our asses goodbye.
Secondly the recent Tsunami affecting the Far East would seem like a bit of a dry (excuse the pun) run for the end of days. Will our little yellow brethren be given some sort of credit toward the end of the world? Will only the really naughty survivors drop dead in the streets, would only nuclear workers be a little bit deceased? I mean they’ve gone through hell already, is it really necessary for them to have a further first hand experience of the underworld?
What about the four horsemen? I see no mention of their imminent arrival? Have they been phased out in favour of the giant ants and zombie hordes?
More information please, if its not forthcoming then I for one will be postponing my angst until the giant killer waves and earthquakes of the Mayan calendar are forthcoming. At least then I can ask the Japanese Embassy for advice on how to cope.
And I’ll be able to buy new goldfish for my daughter, they don’t mind inundations of any kind and it’ll be a relief from circling that damn castle for the little suckers. as for the parrot, today’s a great day to bid farewell to that demented beast.